Western women hear about it all the time, often coming from male friends. Thai women are charming and a pleasure to be with, and American women just don’t seem to get it. Maybe American women “get it” a little bit, but they are not going to compromise their perceived self-esteem created by their powerful individuality and letting men “take advantage of them”. Modern Western women have been taught this by their mothers and have had it re-enforced from high school through grad school.
When an American guy comes to Thailand, they often fall for the full effect of these charming Thai ladies, and the women back home shrug it off with remarks like he was probably a “perv” anyway. They scorn how American guys fall for these skinny little Asian girls that are probably too young for them. I have heard American women visiting Thailand seeing older American guys with young Thai girls (often they just look young) call these expats “creepy old guys”. Well, I am here to say it is a little deeper than that.
Thai women have learned the secrets to making their man happy. They seem to appreciate their femininity, and appreciate it when American guys like it as well. You won’t find these secrets in Cosmo Magazine where they preach women to “take control” of their relationships and assert themselves. Now that I have been settled into the Thai lifestyle for several years, I am lucky to have learned a little about these secrets, and for the benefit of men everywhere, would like to pass them on to Western women.
Thai women have been guided in their actions by a Thai monk from about a hundred and sixty years ago, Sunthorn Phu (d. 1855). He is one of old Siam’s most revered poets and philosophers, and his premise “Maxim for the Conduct of Ladies” has been passed on from Mother to Daughter and taught to girls in Thai schools since the days of Rama V (the great King of Thailand in the 19th century that brought Siam into the modern world). All Thai women, whether they are an uneducated bar girl, a teacher, a lawyer or even the Prime Minister of Thailand continue to practice some of these maxims in their everyday life, and it shows. The maxims recognize the power that women have and instruct them to incorporate these feminine powers into everything they do. It is the essence of a Thai woman.
On Obama’s first visit to Thailand late last year, he saw some of these Sunthorn maxims in action with his first meeting with the head of state of Thailand, Yingluck Shinawatra. The media and American feminists claimed that Obama’s obvious appreciation for the charming lady was just a reflection of the Prime Minister being a beautiful lady. It was much more than that. “Barry looked like a high school senior on his prom date. Excited, hormonal, and having a little bit too much fun. Yingluck, for her part, remained ladylike but was definitely charmed and occasionally shot sultry glances at The Prez,” according to Coconuts Bangkok News.
Sunthorn teaches “Take small, graceful steps when walking outside.” Do not “swing your arms back and forth” or “allow your breasts to swing or raise your shawl as you go.” When speaking with others, “do not raise your voice or rasp.” There are many more maxims, and Thai women adhere to these and other rules today, many generations later.
In Modern Thailand, just like in Modern America, women have become educated and work right with men in the halls of corporate power, and are self-confident in the working world. Women make up the majority of teachers, and are scientists, computer engineers and entrepreneurs just like women in America, but they have never neglected their expected duties as a woman. This is a giant contrast for Western men to see between Thai and American women. It seems that no matter how high a Thai woman can rise on a social level, they still maintain their sweet manners, love to please their men and their families, and try to live up to their expected role as a good mother. And it works. American men, including me, are very pleased to have a Thai woman around them.
Also, these maxims seem to stay with a Thai woman all their life, and are there when she is young and beautiful, and when she is a great grandmother. Thai women are charming.
If American women wanted to emulate some of the things Thai women do to keep their men happy, I can make the some suggestions that are part of almost every Thai woman’s character from the perspective of a man that has enjoyed the close company of a Thai woman for quite a few years now:
- Thai women treat their man like a King. When there is a decision to be made, he makes it. “Up to You”, is a common remark Thai ladies make to her man whenever there is a decision on a restaurant, a vacation, a purchase, everything. That actually takes a few years for an American guy to get used to after a lifetime of having the women back home tell them how and what to do on almost everything. But once it has sunk in, a man will feel better about himself, and feel better in his relationship.
- Early in the morning, my wife wakes up before I do and prepares a breakfast for me. My daughter in law who lives in the same house does the same for her husband. After climbing out of bed, my wife is right there with a hot cup of coffee and nourishment waiting. With American women, it is always either a mutual thing or we take care of each of ourselves by ourselves.
- Thai women don’t nag. Back in my old life, I would hear about it if I didn’t clean my dish after a snack, or take out the garbage or hang the f**king bath towel the right way on the rack in the bathroom. Thai women just do it and don’t say anything. My Thai wife doesn’t want me to rinse off my plate; “that’s a woman’s job”, she would say.
- Thai women smile a lot and touch their man. Maybe she will sit next to me and just rest her hand on my knee or hold my elbow. Just a little thing, but it makes a big difference. And when I look at her, she almost always smiles back at me.
- Thai women always seem to keep a tidy home. They always want to make the home pretty and pleasant, and a guy married to a Thai lady learns fairly quickly that this is her domain. A smart husband to a Thai will just let her do whatever she wants to do with the house and is happy to give out a lot of compliments because they generally do a wonderful job at it.
- Thai women don’t talk too much. It is like a joke how the American woman goes on and on and on, beating a subject to death. Well, it is more than just a joke. Men get tired of hearing just mindless redundant talk. After working all day in a stressful environment, it nice to come home to some peace and quiet.
- Thai women are demure and sweet in public, and perhaps a bit shy, but when alone with their relationship person, they are open and sexually accommodating.
- Thai women dress clean, sharp and cute. No sloppy T-shirt that is four sizes too big. They seem to always want to look their best, even if they are just staying home with their husband. Very few Thai ladies will let their body go to hell. They try to stay fit, eat right and look good. It makes her man want to look good too. I asked one beautiful Thai lady I worked with how she developed such perfect posture when she walked, and she told me her mother required her to walk around the house with books balanced on top of her head since she was very little till she left home.
- Thai women always ask their husbands before they spend any larger amounts of money, and that may be only twenty bucks or so. Even though she may contribute the same amount to the household income, she always asks her husband if it is OK with him. This does not apply to regular household things and food, as that is her domain, but on everything else. The man almost always will say Yes, but it is a pleasure to always be asked and considered before anything is bought.
- Thai women will always make sure their husband has dinner, often waiting for him when he comes home from work. And Thai women tend to be good cooks.
- When guests come to the house, a Thai wife will slip away quickly and come back with cold drinks for everyone without asking. It is her nature to try and make any visitor seem welcome.
- A Thai woman understands that a guy sometimes wants to go out with his male friends without women with them. While she may be a bit jealous or concerned about other women (well actually, probably a lot concerned), she never objects to her man being with his male friends.
So maybe some of these tips I see coming from Thai women would be helpful for American women, and I realize it goes against the grain of what has been learned now over a couple of generations.
Sure, there are characteristics of Thai women that are not terrific, but it seems like the theme of always trying to please her man and men in general seems to over shine the negatives. And I also realize (at least a little bit) that American men are not perfect either and could stand some improvements in many ways. But now I hope you understand why men that first get introduced to Thai women are smitten immediately, and are ready to do almost anything for their Thai wife or girlfriend.
Realizing this subject is probably controversial, I still welcome your comments.