The image projected of Thai women on many websites — many expat websites — is often not complimentary to Thai women. Thai women on many sites are depicted as shrewd, manipulative, lazy, not honest and of low character. I have had to stop even looking and subscribing at many of these sites with these distorted and misleading depictions. Often, the blog master is one that frequents beer bars, meets the women that are trying to make money and then projects that character on all Thai women. Actually, that projection is more of a reflection of themselves — the Farang — than of Thai people.
But that fact is that many Western guys that visit or move to Thailand are looking to establish a meaningful relationship with a Thai woman. There are several inherent advantages a Thai woman has over a comparable Western woman, including physical appearance and the traditional support and attention a Thai woman gives to her man. Thai women seem to be much more attentive to man’s needs than the typical American woman (and I am painting this with a pretty wide brush — there are always exceptions). Sometimes it is the little things, like how most Thai woman tend to be not overly talkative that attracts Western guys. Or their way of showing sweet politeness when first meeting them. A very big list could be compiled on the cultural, religious, and traditional habits of Thai woman that Western men love.
Despite that attraction, the internet is choked full of stories of fellas that have been burned or cheated (in their mind) or swindled or lied to by a Thai woman, with many swearing off the pursuit of a Thai woman forever. What could be wrong? Perhaps it is the Western guy that is not choosing wisely. There are women (and men) of every country and culture that will look terrific physically, but will not be a good match for any one particular suitor. So this begs the most important question:
What Kind of Thai Woman is Right for Me?
If you were looking for an American woman, the search would be easy for you. After all, you completely understand her language, her culture, how she grew up and how she goes through life. But then a lot of guys now looking at a relationship with a Thai woman have seen these characteristics of an American woman, and have rejected them. Too often, they just jump right in with a relationship with an attractive Thai woman and are shocked when after some time they realize that the woman does not meet their expectations and is not a good match. I hope that this report will help in understanding what should and can be expected from different Thai women.
My own relationship with my Thai wife has worked out well, but I must admit that I was just lucky. I did not do a lot of thinking about it beforehand and was quickly infatuated with my future wife’s charm, poise, sweetness, appearance and the more “wifely” duties. I fell in love quickly after we met, but luckily am still in love with her after a lot of years married. That’s enough on my personal life. But for every one Thai/Farang marriage that seems like a good fit (like mine), there seems to be several relationships that went bust. It is best for a guy that is level headed to think things out carefully before jumping off a cliff or heading towards a hoped for satisfying personal life.
It is important to have your thoughts well grounded, and have realistic expectations, not blind romanticism, complete cultural ignorance and false assumptions. If you need to have a partner that will be able to discuss the world economic situation with you, don’t expect to get it from a beautiful young lady that grew up on a rice farm and has education up to the 6th grade.
To get an in-depth understanding of what to expect from a Thai/Farang (Thai woman / Western guy) relationship, I am strongly recommending another website written by an expert in the field: Kaewmala. She is a noted consultant in the field of international development, a researcher and accomplished writer on the subject of Thai sexuality. Her website, Thai Sex Talk, should be bookmarked and read by every Western guy considering a relationship with a Thai woman. There is a wealth of information here. On Kaewmala’s website she has developed a terrific chart, which I am able to reprint with permission from the author here (click on chart to make larger):
There are a few assumptions on this Matrix that should be noted. The big one is that Kaewmala has made this chart for an educated, middle-class Western guy. So if you don’t fit that profile, the Matrix may not be completely accurate. That profile happens to be the general profile of the readers of American Expat Chiang Mai website, so hopefully it will be useful for most reading this report.
Also admittedly, the information in the Matrix chart is painted with a wide brush and over-simplified, and individual characteristics may alter the results considerably. So don’t take everything literally, but use the chart as a general guide.
There are important other considerations for a successful Thai/Farang relationship that must be considered:
Thailand is a modern bustling 21st century country, but despite that, many deep seated Thai traditions are an important factor in relationships. Social class level is important in all Thai personal interactions, and is most distinct with the upper and lower extremes. If you become attached to a high social level, for instance, your contacts and friends will be primarily within that social class. When you interface in Thailand with people in a different social class than the one you establish (perhaps through a marriage), you will be considered an outsider. Sometimes it is difficult for an American guy to put his head around this structure, since there are few boundaries of distinct social levels in the US, or at least it is very easy to interface with other social levels.
Many of the “educated” Thais will be of ethnic Thai-Chinese with unique cultural backgrounds that may be a bit different from other Thais. They will have their own language and customs that may require further adjustments for a Western partner to make. The Chinese-Thai take on a similar role as many of old rich and nouveau riche. merchant class of Europe in earlier times.
Other social levels will have other ethnic mixes, such as a background of Lao or Khmer ethnicity in the Northeast, or a mixture of hill tribe or Burmese in the North. Each group has their own particular traits that affect a partner relationship. A Thai-Chinese background is likely to reflect a more conservative attitude socially and sexually, while a native Siamese background without any influence from Victorian sexual mores that influenced the West so much may appear to be less restrained sexually (which is another aspect of Thai women that Western guys pick up on quickly).
The differences in class of society and where a woman grew up (urban or rural) determine much about how a Thai woman will act with their partner.
The final word is think clearly before jumping in, and know where you are going and what to expect beforehand.